


a whisper system

by fypical



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Bittersweet Ending, Interlude, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Canon, Section 31
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 12:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18334568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fypical/pseuds/fypical
Summary: garak is there when julian walks into his apartment on andor. (post-canon interlude set just before the events of the spinoff novel 'section 31: control')





	a whisper system

**Author's Note:**

> title from siken's war of the foxes. this is set around 2386, just before the events of david mack's spinoff novel "section 31: control"; knowledge of the novel's events isn't necessarily required but can be found in the notes at the end.

**_Bird 1:_ ** _This is the wrong story._

 **_Bird 2:_ ** _All stories are the wrong story when you are impatient._

_( Richard Siken, War of the Foxes )_

 

 **_BASHIR:_ ** _What do you want me to do? Kill him?_

 **_GARAK:_ ** _I want you to stop treating this like a game where everything's going to turn out all right in the end._

_( Star Trek: DS9, 4.10, ‘Our Man Bashir’ )_

* * *

Garak is there when Julian walks into his apartment on Andor. Romulus had been more or less as friendly as ever - which is to say, not very - and he’s tired down to his bones. Lately, when not actively running missions for Section 31, he’s been staying at Sarina’s, sleeping on her sofa while they work out a way to take down the organization they’re both working for. It’s easier to keep one location safe from monitoring than two, and neither of their homes has much in the way of personal touches.  ( Kukalaka’s been staying with him. That’s about it. )

Garak looks… as though he’s made himself at home. Julian wonders how long he has been there, sitting on Julian’s sofa in the dimly lit room. It’s all a little dramatic, if Julian is being honest with himself, and he wonders idly if Garak is trying to appeal to some old romantic notions from the holosuites at Quark’s. They’ve caught up with one another where they could, but recently… between everything that’s happened with the Federation and Julian, and Garak’s new position as Castellan, it’s been difficult. There is a selfish part of Julian that is glad for it - his life has become something ugly, as of late, and he’s grateful that so few people from the station are involved.

Even if he thinks some of them might understand.

“-- Castellan,” he manages, formal and sounding more transparently shocked than he would have liked, and thinks he can see Garak’s features curl into a thin little smile. Thinks, because he saw Garak and froze in place; still has yet to turn on the lights. Heedlessly, he sets his bags aside and pulls off his jacket, leaving it crumpled on the little table by the door; he doesn’t take his eyes off Garak, half-afraid that if he looks away, Garak will vanish. But Garak goes nowhere, merely shifts to drape his arm across the back of Julian’s sofa, as if he owns the place. It’s irritating in the way Garak has always been; Julian, unfortunately, is quite fond of it.

“My dear,” he says, and Julian catches the missed _doctor_ , and cannot be sure if it’s because Garak doesn’t know about his renewed medical license or if Garak has simply decided to leave that part of it behind them. After all, Julian might have a license again, here on Andor, but he’s not practicing. Not medicine, in any case. Garak fixes him with a stern sort of look, devoid of the gentle mockery Julian’s come to associate with such expressions of his. “You look terrible.”

“Good to see you, too,” Julian shoots back, dryly, well aware that he looks even worse than he feels. His shoulders sag, like the weight he feels on them is physical. “If you’ve come to lecture me about the finer points of _real_ espionage, there’s really no need. I’m quite familiar.”

It comes out colder than he means it to be, and breaks the fragile kind of surprise between them - but only in that something almost imperceptible shifts in the way Garak holds himself, like Julian’s stung him with it. Julian almost thinks of taking it back, but-- he’s exhausted, and if that really is why Garak’s appeared in his home, he doesn’t want to hear it. He’s seen more than enough to know what real espionage is like, now - had already seen enough long before he threw away his career to finish Section 31, and keeps seeing it now. He doesn’t need to be told about it; this isn’t a holosuite program, and Julian thinks if Garak has anything to say about what a real spy would do he might scream.

After a long moment’s silence, he sighs instead. “I’m going to bed.” And then, because for all that he’s grateful for being left more or less alone on this, for all that he’s glad Garak has found a way out of this world-- Julian cannot yet let go. “You’re welcome to join me, if you’ve finished skulking about in the dark.”

He turns on his heel and walks to his bedroom, and spitefully does not look over his shoulder to see whether Garak looks surprised by that or whether he follows him. At a certain level, Julian knows he doesn’t need to check; though they’ve been apart for longer than he would like to think about, they still know each other. He still knows Garak; and sure enough, Julian’s only just made it to the bedroom before he feels Garak’s hand on his back. Against his better judgement - something that’s become the mantra of his life, as of late - Julian leans back into the touch, and Garak takes it as the invitation it is, curling his arms around Julian’s waist and presses his mouth, briefly, to the crook of Julian’s neck.

Julian shivers.

“I’m sorry,” he says, quiet and half-reluctant, and Garak’s arms tighten around him, just a little. Julian might know Garak well, but he doesn’t know all the details of Garak’s life before he came to DS9; he doesn’t even know all the details of Garak’s life _after_ he came to the station. Not for the first time, he wonders if Garak ever felt quite so adrift, cut loose. As if he knows what Julian is thinking, Garak lifts his head to kiss the line of Julian’s jaw. All at once, Julian feels dragged down by the weight of it all: the mission, the loneliness, the exhaustion. He turns in Garak’s arms and presses his forehead to the ridge along Garak’s shoulder.

“Tell me.” Garak’s voice, Julian thinks, is almost gentle, and that alone nearly sends him over the edge; a hysterical little laugh bubbles up out of him, despite the fact that nothing about this is funny. Something in the back of his mind, a voice that sounds not unlike Garak’s own, tells him that he can’t say anything. That revealing any part of any of his missions - the ones Section 31 has been giving him or, more critically, the one he and Sarina are undertaking themselves - is dangerous. Garak’s not the enemy; but Julian still cannot tell him, if only because he knows what Section 31 is capable of. He doesn’t doubt that they would take issue with the idea of _anyone_ knowing their secrets, let alone the leader of a planet that was, until recently, hostile to the Federation.

He hates that he’s thinking this way.

Julian sighs again, and shakes his head slightly. He doesn’t know how much time he’ll have before Section 31 or Sarina or someone else entirely needs him, and even if he could-- the last thing he wants right now is to talk about it. “Garak,” he says, and his voice shakes like Garak’s name has caught in his throat. Garak gives him a considering sort of look. “Can we-- not discuss this? I’d… just like to enjoy the evening, if we can.”

Garak pulls him into a kiss, and then pulls him into bed.

Later, Julian watches Garak’s face as he sleeps, a kind of peace etched across it that Julian so rarely sees when Garak is awake. He can’t sleep, himself; dozed only briefly before waking again. It doesn’t matter; it’s a common enough occurrence lately. And Julian would rather this than the usual restless nights he spends tossing and turning before getting up to go over all the intelligence he and Sarina have accumulated. Garak sighs in his sleep, and shifts to curl his arm around Julian’s bare waist; Julian thinks this must be rare enough for him, too, with Cardassia still rebuilding and relations with the Federation still tenuous at best. Perhaps this is for the best for both of them, then. If Julian can’t sleep, he can take comfort in the fact that at least Garak’s taking the time to do so.

His communicator chimes, and Julian closes his eyes unhappily before he extricates himself carefully from Garak’s embrace.

It’s Ozla, looking torn somewhere between tired and exhilarated. Her look is one Julian has come to know well - one she wears when she’s closed in on a piece of vital information, something that will blow her story wide open. Or, more recently, something that will turn the tide in their fight against Section 31. “Is this line secure?” she asks, urgently, and starts talking fast the moment Julian nods.

Uraei. Artificial intelligence. The mastermind behind Section 31. If they can find proof of it, they would be able to finish the agency off, Ozla thinks. Julian is inclined to agree.

“I’ve already told Douglas,” says Ozla, matter-of-fact. “She’s on board.”

So that’s that.

Julian ends the call not long after, and crawls back into bed. It’s… something. Perhaps it’s enough; the break they’ve been waiting for, a crack in Section 31’s armour that they might be able to exploit. It can wait until tomorrow, Julian decides. He hadn’t realized that Garak was awake himself until he’s back under the covers and Garak settles a hand on his cheek.

“I’m scheduled to meet with Ambassador Picard this week,” he says, under his breath, and watches Julian carefully, and then clarifies: “On Vulcan. Am I safe to presume you’ll be… otherwise occupied when I’ve finished?”

Even now, with Garak facing him, with Garak in his bed-- Julian misses him so much it aches. When this is over… maybe there is still something salvageable, here, between them.

“It’s quite alright,” Garak murmurs, and Julian does not exactly believe him; something about it sounds hollow, like he thinks that this is what Julian needs to hear. Garak seems to sense this, and his expression shatters a little at it. Julian has not seen him look this distressed since-- well, in a long while. He tries again: “I understand.”

And that, Julian believes. Knows it to be true, the same way he knows that most of the stories that paint Garak in an unflattering light are more embellishment and falsehood than most of the ones where he does something good or kind, the same way he knows what Garak looked like after losing his father for the final time, the same way he knows the weight of leading his people sits heavily around Garak’s neck. Of course Garak understands. This must be like looking in a mirror, for him. Like being on the other side of his old life; they’ve swapped places, in a manner of speaking. It sits uncomfortably in his mind, the knowledge that he must be dredging up all manner of bad memories for Garak. To his everlasting credit, Garak is excellent at hiding whatever it is he might be uncomfortable with: all that his expression shows is a great tenderness, perhaps a little sympathy.

Julian almost chokes on it, and Garak pulls him close again; he dozes off listening to Garak murmur about enigma tales, a strange echo of their lunches back on the station.

When he wakes, Garak is gone again.

**Author's Note:**

> do you ever get sad about disaster medical genius and his lizard spy bf. alternate title: Garak Worries A Normal Amount! 
> 
> in section 31: control, julian does eventually defeat The Hell Agency, with sarina, data, lal, and garak's help; garak expresses jealousy that bashir and sarina appear to be in a relationship. at the end of it, julian ends up semi-comatose and is remanded to garak's care on cardassia. also, i'm incredibly sad. 
> 
> please note that timelines might be iffy - my information comes exclusively from memory beta and my own offhand memories of the show. 
> 
> find me on tumblr at [mycenaae](http://mycenaae.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
